"Dont wake me up, at least I'd still have my beautiful dreams..

No longer do I feel for this world,
much hope is lost.
It's gonna end soon anyway.
Such twisted imperfection, chaotic, perverted, this world is.

How much further is it going to fall into the endless, bottomless pit?
Only time will tell.

At least in my dreams,
there is utopia,
it is perfect,
my comfort in this world before eternity.

If I cannot attain what I want & desire in this world,
then I'd rather stay asleep in my dreams than settle for 2nd-rate imperfectness,
for I know I'll never be satisfied."

- Thy Perfectness in my dreams, by Gilman

Well.. I just started writing, never intended it to become a poem but.. It turned out nicely yea? :P

Oh well, haven't started studying yet. Couldnt bring myself to. But I'll get through it like I always do, so no worries. I just rot at home during the study week, totally no motivation, stir/passion, to do anything constructive.

Hmm.. my 2nd NAPFA test is on this Friday, 4.30pm. Anyone can join me if they're interested. Hmm.. I can currently do 12 pull-ups max. Can pretty much ace pull-ups for NAPFA. Quite an improvement, I'm surprised myself. From 0 to 12.. in.. 3 months? No longer am I the weak Gilman you used to know, I guess... :P

I'll become stronger. I will, I swear this. I do this all in advance so that in the future I may protect her, the one I love. I will be waiting, and even if she does not come, it is fine. I'll do it for myself then. Sounds selfish? Yea, I guess so. I am human only after all.

Hmm.. theres another thing on my mind, its about the eligible courses in university. I decided I want to go to uni, but have no idea where to start. Hope someone can help and advice me with this.

Time to go to bed, adrain's revision lessions in the morning. Laters.

Today went to take part in CCIS(celebrate christmas in singapore) with eddie, gyeon and ms yarny as a volunteer in Paragon at orchard road. rah!! i stand there from 6.30 till 11pm without resting.. my legs breaking T-T

Then stand there give out booklets and watch the performances.. loved the one where there were a group of cute little japanese kids singing japanese christmas carols. lulz. another one i liked was the performance done by Australian band, "Angels Are Architects".. here's their myspace profile that I found :0 http://www.myspace.com/angelsarearchitects

After finishing my duties at 11pm, i went for a walk around orchard road.. hmm.. so nice neh.. saw so many couples.. make me envious.. D:
Then take train home, a bit pissed off cuz no seats, stand all the way again T-T

Meh........ i NEED a girlfriend.

Been watching this anime series, Soul Eater, for the past few days. It's a very good show to pass time, quite similar to Bleach. lol. Loved the fight scenes, especially the one I watched today in episode 28, Mifune the sword saint vs Black Star. Did I mention I have a fetish for swords? Hmm...

Epi 28, Black Star vs Mifune fight scene

Yesterday was the last day of school before term break. It was the most unepic lesson I ever had. Basically, come to school, for 2 hours of practical, to rot.

Okay, first was presenting assignment(a Perl program that I did to find DNA's reading frames & ORF information), I presented first, teacher said need to make some changes, I did that. Then there was nothing else to do. He went about looking at other people's assignments which was pretty much the same since everyone got a copy of the same codes... LOL, and everyone had to make changes due to some function mistake. And since I already done my changes, I tried doing my Bioperl assignment but was not really fruitful. lol. Then it was over, 2 hours just like that. The rest gave up on making changes to the assignment except for Bikai, where she kept bugging me on how to do. I told her the logic, she dont know. Then I told her the pseudo codes, she still dont know. I cant be spoonfeeding her all the time, so I left her to figure it out herself and I went home. o.o

Oh well, at least yanqi got give us hard candy as xmas and new year present lol. Felt quite surprised she did that really. Liked it very much.

And so I went home to rot for the entire afternoon, took a little nap. Then went back to school at 5.30pm to meet ms yarny, so she can give me a lift to her house to have dinner. lol. If I took MRT all the way to her house it would take more than an hour! and I dont want that .____.

When I was walking to school, I saw Justin, so I asked him why he was still in school, etc etc. He told me Bikai stayed in school to make changes to the assignment till 3pm+ but to no avail. lol. So after that I just continued to school to meet ms yarny.

So on the way to ms yarny house in her car, we talked about some stuff that happened during the past 2 weeks. And it so happened that I talked about my assignment, and about BIKAI! So ms yarny gave me some advices and in the end, while I was using her laptop, I sent codes to find ORF seq and psuedo codes to translate ORF seq to Bikai, as a final attempt to help her with the assignment. And she finally did it.

OH YOU SO LUCKY BIKAI. MUST REALLY THANK MS YARNY. dont thank me. :P

Ya, so after dinner, some sharing and some prayers which ended around 11pm. Eddie, ms yarny and me went to CWP(causeway point) to meet judy to watch "The Day The Earth Stood Still" together :D
I thought the show was pretty nice, I think we all agreed, but tickets were a bit too expensive though. 10 bucks D:

So what's it about? Hmm.. if I were to refer it to an anime, it would be something similar to GURREN LAGANN!! minus the big robot fighting, and all the "I WILL MAKE THE IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE"! Then for a similar movie it would be.. "The War of The Worlds".

This show was less gruesome and chaotic than War of the Worlds, it even had some funny parts here and there. lol. But most of the time we see Keanu Reeves, in his usual black and white formal wear + blazers Constantine look, walking around with that cold, expressionless and serious face. So cool neh! :P

Okay so basically the story is, as u might have guessed, aliens invading earth kinda show. But with a slight difference, the alien(yes 1 only), come to earth to negotiate(not really, more like ask a yes or no question, we arent in the position to negotiate), and depending on our answer, the outcome of our future. This show reminds me a lot about Noah's Ark and The Great Flood, im sure you heard of that, and i find this a very similar adaptation of that concept. It is even mentioned by someone during the show about the Ark. So yea, pretty much about that.

The twist of this show is, the alien came to protect Earth, from another alien race? No. It's to protect the Earth from us. :0

So for the first half of the show, you'll be wondering the true intention of the alien most of the time. And the twist would be revealed somewhere in the middle. From there, it's up to the leading female character, a Biologist, to change the decision of the alien and save the entire Human race from extinction.

Time to have lunch now! Laters!

Lulz.. I skipped school today, got a sms from bikai saying that SSAT class was canceled today, and when I thought of going to school just for 2 hours of Menon class.. what the hay. MEh.. if I was told earlier I would have slacked a little on my SSAT assignment, but whatever.. it's completed already, all that's left is the stupid documentation about my program.

I'm rather pleased and surprised with my program. It was done using Perl. Lulz, I think Perl is my best programming language now lol. Took me a whole afternoon to solo code out the program with 90% of the requirements done. Then sent it to some of my classmates. bikai was the most useless one, only know how to look at me doing the codes.... RIGHT BIKAI? :p

Mr adrain better give me an A++ for this assignment, or i'd kill him! lol..
It's so sad being in a class without ke jun, ying hao, carol, etc etc. So if I dont know how to do my assignments, then that most probably means no one else in my class does. =.=

Wonder if I can cope with the bio project module or not.. still dont really have a clear picture on what to do. If i cannot complete then how to help my other project mates.. :/

Oh well.. worry so much also no use. Just relax and leave it all in God's hands. :p

Oh and I re-watched Code Geass yesterday night on TV. Was so looking forward to it until an online friend told me that Singapore TV only allows at most PG to be shown on TV, since Code Geass has blood and nudity, wont it get cut?

I was like........... OH NO! WHAT THE HAY?! THEY CANT CUT IT! IT'LL SPOIL THE SHOW!
In the end, the first episode which airred on TV last night.. really got cut 3 seconds of blood spraying scene.. WHAT?! 3 seconds of blood which looks more like tomato sauce got CUT! Cmon, even kids these days watch porn and gore movies, whats a little 3 seconds of blood that looks like tomato sauce? =.=

Other than that I still enjoyed the show even though I've rewatched it several times already. :p
I wonder how they would CUT the episode with the massacre princess. Imagine from 30mins cut until 10 mins. LOL

Bummer.. Oh *looks outside window*. Today looks like a good day with good weather. Finally can go and hit the tracks and sweat tonight.

I can see improvements

After 3 days of rest since my first NAPFA test, I finally managed to drag myself out on a Sunday evening to run 2.4. I improved from 16mins to 14mins. I still remembered 2~3 weeks ago, my timing was a terrible 18mins. I need to get better! Must get 12mins!! Argh!! I need to learn proper breathing techniques.. I get out of breath and start to walk at the 5th round, my head hurts, my legs get numb.. damn! curse my low-blood pressure. :(

After that, i walked to the fitness corner to cool-down. Then I did pull-ups. Now, I can officially do 5 pull-ups without kicking. Thats a silver already! Woohoo! I still remembered 1 week ago, I could only do 2 pull-ups. Now can do 5! Wow. hard work do pay off.

Now my only obstacle and worry left is 2.4. If i can get a D for 2.4.. then i get Silver already. NO PTP! 2 MONTHS OF FREEDOM!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

Even though final retake of NAPFA is in Febuary.. I'll give myself 1 month. ONE MONTH AND I'LL FUCKING GET MY SILVER BEFORE MY 20th BIRTHDAY!! D:<

CHIKUSHOU!! I now already eat alot. But I still seem as skinny as ever. :(
And nobody seems to notice that I gained weight or something.. :/
DOUSHITE?!! Why would nobody notice me?! T-T

Feeling so tired now, tomorrow still need wake up early to meet mich to do project stuff.. =.= Gonna eat dinner now.. then later eat egg white for supper.. *cough* I'm suffering now, but I'll will persevere! Meh.. now feel very motivated after watching this very motivational & touching anime.

TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN!! Here's a short article about it: http://everything2.com/node/1933872
"Believe in yourself. Not you, who believes in me. Not me, who believes in you. Believe in you, who believes in yourself!" - Kamina

HUAT AH!!

Melancholic NAPFA Test

I failed my NAPFA test today just because of the stupid 2.4!! ARGH!! Damn fed-up! D:
If I passed my 2.4 then I get Bronze already! damn!

Good thing was the pull-ups, I thought I could only do 2 since the last time I did it on sunday, I could only do 2 pull-ups. So I didn't have really get my hopes high, and thought I could only do 2 today. But to my surprise, I could do 4 pull-ups, I think I still had some strength left to go for a 5. So I was quite happy after that and thought maybe I could pass NAPFA on my first try.

But oh well.. totally flung the 2.4km run. Run half-way, stomach very pain.. T-T

Felt very demoralized, well, I still am. Sigh.. never mind, I'll work hard and chiong on the way. Last NAPFA retake would be during Febuary. I can make it. I will make it. I must make it. I die also dont want go PTP. I want my 2 months of FREEDOM! RAH!!!!!!!

Meh.. now is one of those times I wish I had a girlfriend to lend me some emotional and *cough* physical *cough* support. D:

Grrr.... I want to take my current phail NAPFA certificate and tear it into shreds. Can't wait to replace it with at least a BRONZE cert when I have my 2nd try.

Today perl test was also terrible. Totally got owned. So many questions I got wrong for it.. MCQ somemore. Sigh... Feel so sad. Sometimes being single sucks man.. gotta handle and tank all the problems by myself or even if got happy things also enjoy myself only. No one to share with also.. Damn.. I feel so tired and I'm sick of everything. sobx sobx :'(

Suddenly felt this throbbing pain & tightness in my chest, or rather heart. This feeling, emptiness, heart-brokeness. I guess I'm love sick. Sigh... Then again I also swore never again to anyhow accept someone that I don't even love no matter how despo I am, even if all the girls die already and there's only gheys in this world(eww zomg!) or there's only buang ones left.

Now the world, got so many problems also.. Global warming la, economic crisis la.. and one more.. wa.. finding-GF crisis! No really, this is a very very serious problem that makes even global warming and the economic thingy seem minor.

(lol! Jian Lun and me were talking about it while chilling out one night waiting for midnight movie and it goes something like this)
JL said: You see.. all the chio ones 90% kena taken already. *smokes his cig*
Me: *nods head* Ya lor, even those chio ones still single also got 1 whole long queue of suitors ah!
JL: Ya CB, we cannot fight la. We sure lose. *smokes cig*
Me: *nods head* Ya lor.
JL: Don't talk about chio ones, even those decent-decent not-bad ones also kena taken liao. Those above average or average. *smokes cig*
Me: *shakes head* Ya lor. *sigh*
JL: NB, even some of those buang ones ALSO got people take. *smokes cig*
Me: *carries on shaking head while facing floor*
JL: Eh that one like not bad *looks at random girl walking past*
Me: *looks up* Orh.. that one not nice la, okay only.
*random girl goes in some leet car owned by a rich faggot*
Me: He got car like this but still get this kind of girl. Wa, we lose liao. No need to fight. No hope liao.
JL: *smokes cig*
Me: *facepalm*

I guess it's kinda hopeless, at the rate I'm going, I think I won't be able to get myself a girlfriend AND a serious relationship.. maybe even until after NS. Wow man, the thought of it totally sucks. :(

I guess I'm feeling MelancholicNostalgia.

I'll get stronger. I swear. So I'll be able to protect my girlfriend-to-be.. even though she may never come. I'll get stronger and I'll wait. I'll wait for my angel.. I'll wait till my time is up...